Elysium

Six reasons you shouldn't waste your money on Elysium

1. Shaky cam

I know many of you don't like the shaky cam. I've seen you complain time after time. But you should know I'm not one to hate on the shaky. There have been many movies where it didn't bother me at all. Knowing that, you should be particularly concerned when I tell you that this movie's shaky cam was way over the top. My eyes were literally stinging. The action was so hidden by the shaky that it's possible Matt Damon never left his house, and some of the fight scenes might actually have been footage of him out to dinner. We'll never know.

2. Soundtrack

I can't completely explain it, but the soundtrack during the movie sounded like they simply played a CD during the entire film from start to finish. It didn't seem to match the individual scenes very well at all. As well, many of the songs sounded like blatant rip offs of the Oblivion soundtrack. Not cool.

3. Sci-Fi channel quality

The entire movie felt like it should have been on the Sci-Fi channel, not in a movie theater. Despite decent special effects, the soundtrack, the acting, the plot and the editing made this movie feel very cheap. I couldn't help but frequently think the entire thing was probably filmed in the span of about a week. Then of course, they shook the camera non-stop so you wouldn't figure it out.

4. Plot hole silliness

I don't like putting spoilers in my movie reviews, so I'll refrain here, but know that the movie is filled with plot hole silliness. The plot, which I'll describe at a very high level, essentially revolves around software the "bad" guys had, which the "good" guys stole and used against the "bad" guys to try and end their way of life. My question…why did the "bad" guys go to so much effort to write software that could be used against them? Perhaps if it didn't exist in the first place, there would be no threat…no plot…no movie. That would have been a huge favor to all of us. There many other plot holes as well, but I think they assumed you would ignore them because of the special effects and the overall concept. Instead, may I suggest you choose to ignore the entire movie.

5. What did s/he say?

For some reason many of the characters had accents that were basically completely unintelligible much of the time. Jodi Foster's character seemed to change accents many times. Sometimes I think it was French, others it was American. One of the bad guys I think made up his accent and I could barely understand a word he was saying.

Most of the "good" guys from Earth were Latino. They were car thieves, criminals and living in the slum. Let's hope that was a coincidence that they were mostly Latino and not some kind of racist statement. Matt Damon spoke Spanish at times too. They didn't go into any background to explain why everyone on Earth was Latino. I'll try not to read anything into that, but it was at least odd.

My hunch is they used the accents to cover poor dialogue much like they used the shaky cam to cover all the action.

6. No Pain No Gain

Again, without spilling anything about the story, Matt Damon's character takes a ridiculous amount of physical punishment and keeps on like nothing happened. A broken arm, multiple stab wounds, radiation poisoning, an exoskeleton drilled into all his bones and a computer jammed into his brain. Well, he did take a good nap so maybe that cleared up all the pain. In reality he should have been unconscious the entire movie from the pain.

In summary, this movie was just dumb. It felt like they put little effort into the making of it. It's a shame because the concept was good. But in the end, as Matt Damon has been doing for years now, it was just about making a political statement. This one was about how horrible and elitist rich people can be. You know, like the rich people who wrote the movie, made the movie, acted in it, and then preached to us to be wary of themselves.

Skip it.